The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
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