Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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