Screwed.edu
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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