Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Alive.
So much puke
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
