she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
