I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
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