I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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