whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Randomize
