Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
tell me about the fingering
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize