your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize
