so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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