apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize