So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
