Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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