it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize