I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
