my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Randomize
