the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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