if i can run in heels then i can drive
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
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