Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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