Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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