I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
