We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
