i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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