Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
