apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
