Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
