did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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