we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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