dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
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