Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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