I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
