Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
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