I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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