Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
