You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
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