found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
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