Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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