my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Randomize