so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
