Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
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