he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
