just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
