I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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