Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
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