I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
