Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
