.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
This can only be settled by a dance off.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
