Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
