I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
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