I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Randomize
