If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
