Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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