Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
