At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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