Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
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