shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Randomize
