Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Just pee around me
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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