And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Randomize