man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
