She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
only you would photoshop your dick
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
