i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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