My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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