I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
