I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize