Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
