Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
