Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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