seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Randomize
