you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I supernannyed him into submission
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
