I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
3pm strippers are depressing
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
