just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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