Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
