i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Randomize
