He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize