i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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