He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
