It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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