ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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