Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
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