You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
