And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
