Don't make out with my wife yet
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
