I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
