Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
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