she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
