I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
