if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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