At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
