I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
