so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
