It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
