So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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