I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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