i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
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