the new term for farting is butt boxing.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
