I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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