My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
