I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
