my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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