Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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