that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
