Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize
