Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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