So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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