if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
We're using joints as your birthday candles
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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