So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Randomize
