DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Randomize
